Long days… short years

This is my first time to post on our blog. I have been talking to D. and dreaming about starting this blog together as we have had so many thoughts about what it means to be parents and followers of Jesus. We feel called to live a little differently than most, and we feel that following Jesus changes everything, especially the way we parent. We also think some of our ideas about parenting are unique among our Christian friends, so we wanted to write about our thoughts and experiences.

So why has it taken me so long to post? This last month or so has been a very difficult one for me. I have always dreamed of being a mom and thought it would be fun and that I would probably be pretty good at it. But in these days, I have felt like maybe I was wrong. Parenting a 2 1/2-year-old who is quite a handful, and a 5-month-old who is quite needy has sucked me dry. I have really been struggling just to make it each day. Sometimes I feel like a failure–I should be able to do this all by myself, and I should be good at it. But most days I end up doing all that I can to fill the time when D. is gone so that it goes by as quickly as possible. I am so afraid to leave the house with both boys because Isaiah is prone to public melt-downs.

As I’ve been thinking and praying through this difficult time, I have realized a few things:

• Being a parent is hard for everyone. I am trying to learn to drop the illusion that I have things all together, and acknowledge that this is really hard. I want to acknowledge this for myself, and for the other parents out there who feel pressure to look like they’re great at this job.
• My husband is wonderful and supportive, and he is a great dad. If I need to call him sometimes and ask him to come home and help me, that is okay. We are blessed because his job is flexible, and it’s okay to embrace that flexibility. This idea of self-sufficiency equaling success is simply a lie.
• Embracing both of these truths probably makes me a better mom. I want my kids to learn to be transparent, and I want my boys to learn that they can be hands-on fathers one day, so in living into these truths, I am giving my sons a gift.

Hopefully there will be more to come from me as I move through the hard days and onto easier ones.